Alan Paul是一位吉它评论家，因夫人来华任外交官，而做了家属。他用外国人的眼光写在中国的生活，里面虽然不乏老外常有的偏见（例如对中国食物的怀疑），但毫无虚构造作之处。这个，不需要考据也能看得出。而我们中国作者，太喜欢为了好看而编造情节，杜撰细节，引用一堆无稽之谈。例如，小手今天在MSN上给我讲了这样一件事。关于二战德军轰炸考文垂，有个盛传的说法，那就是德军怀疑英军破译了其电码，于是故意发出轰炸考文垂的密电。英军截获后，交给了丘吉尔。丘吉尔想，如果安排居民撤退，那么等于向德国人承认破译成功，那么德军就会换用新的密电码。从长远考虑，英军最好装作不知道。于是，考文垂听任德军轰炸，事后人们对丘吉尔的高瞻远瞩表示敬佩和理解。然后，小手搜索了英文的相关资料，发现这一说法得不到证据支持。换句话说，这段逸闻是后人杜撰出来的。
我说，再说最后几句。毛发起的政治运动可能伤害过某些人，但是不容否认，他的思想曾经给我们这个民族已强大的精神力量和心灵滋养。一个民族不能只是听少数人控诉，也要听听沉默的大多数的感恩。你们天天说民主，讲草根，其实我看都是挂羊头卖狗肉的美国根。Global voice online，我看确切的名字应该叫 Global voice of America online。都是一群西方视角、美国喉舌的应声虫罢了。专制不是好东西，难道你们拜倒在美国权杖之下就是好货色吗？ 对此，我毫不掩饰自己的观点。
A note thus titled by my Australian friend Loz who also teaches in Nanjing has prompted me to write one of my own, as a fitting “goodbye for now, see you soon” tribute to my second home, China. (It should be clear which ones I will miss and which I will not. I will clarify as necessary.)
People thinking white skin is beautiful. God, I love that.
Wondering if this is your last day on earth every time you enter a taxi. Or cross the street.
The hocking of loogies, everywhere. You all have no idea. (Okay, well some of you do.)
Children peeing and pooing right on the street.
The stares.
Having to explain that even “一点点” (a little bit) of meat makes a dish no longer vegetarian. Also having to tell them that 火腿肠 (hotdog meat) is indeed meat and no, yes I’m sure, it is not a vegetable.
Buying Starbucks on a Chinese salary. Ouch.
How super helpful Chinese people can become when they see you’re foreign.
How they become even nicer when you speak Chinese.
How disappointed they become when they see you know how to bargain.
Buddhist vegetarian restaurants.
Chinese gaudy decorations and the insane amounts of fluorescent lights they have on at night. (Yes, I will miss this.)
Children saying “hello!” to me as I walk down the street. (Will miss.)
Guys saying “hello!” to me and laughing with their friends at their bravado as I walk down the street. (Not miss.)
How washing dishes often consists in rinsing them with cold water.
My good students.
My bad students. (Although to be perfectly honest, some of them were funny in their own way too… Most of them I will not miss.)
Students cheating on quizzes and thinking it’s normal or even funny.
白酒 Baijiu, a kind of Chinese alcohol. I will very much miss.
Eating meals with a large group of Chinese friends or my Chinese family.
Cab drivers asking me how much money I earn. Cab drivers telling me (not asking me) things about America and how rich we all are. As a matter of fact, I’m going to miss everything about Chinese cab drivers except their driving.
People very flatteringly (if completely inaccurately) comparing me to 大山 (a Canadian in China extremely famous for speaking perfect Chinese).
Chinese children. The most adorable children in the world.
Really fat Chinese men pulling their shirts halfway up in hot weather.
Riding with 70 other people on a bus meant for 30 on a really hot day. (Did I mention most Chinese people do not wear deodorant?)
Chinese people talking about me thinking I don’t understand.
Knowing how to write characters that Chinese people forget, and writing it for them. (Granted, this has only happened once, but it was a great feeling.)
How direct Chinese people are. (“You know him, the really fat one.” “Excuse me?!”)
Nanjing dialect. (啊是啊?)
Suzhou dialect. (啊是个啊?)
The Chinglish signs. (“Civilized behavior of tourists is another bright scenery.” “Mouse salad.” “For defecate, go to F2.” And, compliments of Loz, “Cunt examination room.” I kid you not.)
Having to boil water before you can drink it.
Garbages often consisting in piles on the corner of streets.
Hot soymilk and youtiao in the morning. (How can I go back to cereal?)
Chinese gardens.
Being violently elbowed by ninety-year old Chinese women to get on the bus.
The complete lack of any safety railings at national resorts.
Chinese people telling me how annoying it is that there are so many Chinese people.
Little white dogs with dyed fluorescent green or orange ears. This may be particular to my road in Nanjing, but I see it a lot.
Cheap books.
The lines, oh god, the lines. (Or should I say, the complete lack of any concept of what the word “line” should mean?)
And, most of all, I’m going to miss all of my Chinese friends and my Chinese family so much I try not to think about it. I highly recommend China to everyone, I have so many great memories from my year here.
